So when I decided to start taking this writing thing seriously, I started looking at what other authors were doing, and discovered that a lot of them had something called "blogs" (which sounds like a rather unpleasant bowel complaint, or maybe something that comes out of your nose when you sneeze really big, but okay, whatever). I realized, from reading these "blogs", that I was going to have to participate in something called Social Media, because apparently that is The Way These Things Are Done.
Social Media? WTF? Is that, like, communal art supplies or something? Because that could be a big problem... I was always a bit of a failure at the Plays Well With Others skillset.
I was, understandably, Pale With Fright.
Further investigation revealed that participating in Social Media meant establishing something called an Online Presence. So instead of sharing my crayons, I was going to have to "tweet" and "post" and "blog" (which actually sounds like something I would want to do in the privacy of my own bathroom, but apparently the definition of "privacy" has changed somewhat since I learned what it meant).
I'm still not sure what's wrong with writing up a pack of lies that the publisher can paste on the back of the book flap. Something along the line of Jaye McKenna is an antisocial recluse who hasn't actually been seen in public for years and is rather attached to a ratty old bath towel, or Jaye McKenna lives in a tumbledown shack on the edge of a peat bog with a Rottweiler named Josephine and a pack of rabid budgies...
Apparently that's not good enough anymore. Apparently, nowadays, The World wants to be informed of what I eat for lunch (not eggs... they're kind of gross), what I'm wearing today (polka-dotted underwear and a plaid bathrobe, if you must know), and whether or not my bowel movements are regular (check out my bathroom, dudes, plenty of tweeting, blogging, and posting going on there!).
Personally, I think The World needs to get a life.
So I decided that rather than try to learn a bunch of Mysterious Technical Witchcraft, the rules of which will change just when I get the hang of it (sort of like the way just when I figure out MS Word, they change it and I lose weeks and weeks of productivity while I whine and moan and beg Husband Beast to figure out how to make the new thing look like the old thing so that I can use it again), I am going to just do one new thing—the blogging.
And since it doesn't involve sharing my crayons, I have high hopes that I will do it well. Or at least somewhat regularly. (Because regular bowel movements are important, you know...)
And if you want to see me tweet, you're going to have to get in line outside my bathroom window with the rest of The World.